When Not to Talk

When Not to Talk in 8 Contexts

1. Grief Situations…Sometimes, it’s better NOT to say anything to a grieving person, especially when he/she does not want to talk about the tragedy. Allow the grief-stricken person to guide the discussion and conversation when they are ready to talk. Meanwhile, show them much support and engage in nonverbal communication with them… like a loving touch or hug.

2. Athletic Events…If you are a coach or a person in charge of a team performance, when the athlete or performer has made a ghastly mistake, such as dropping a ball, or forgetting a line, etc…..you don’t need to verbalize their mistake; they know they made a mistake and they feel badly enough about it anyway…words of encouragement are great, but, no need to reinforce, with words, their error.

3. Training Classrooms...Student/teacher context: when a question is asked by you and you are looking for an answer from the students…..don’t talk, they’ll come up with something, you just have to give them enough time. “Think, pair, share,” is another teaching technique where you might ask the students, or whoever is in your audience, to think about their answers first, then pair up with someone else to discuss, and then share that discussion at-large after a few moments.

4. Sales Environments...If you are a salesperson, of any kind, you need to know when to be quiet. First, you will inform your prospective buyer of the product or service, and then you ask for the sale, right? okay, then, let the buyer communicate next….you’ve heard that adage, “ He/she who talks first, loses.” Generally, there’s some truth to that. For example, if I try to sell you a mountain ski pass package, first I am going to explain the package and then ask: “What else do you need from me to help you make your decision? It is here where silence can pay off….Pause…and then wait until that other person talks….don’t jump in there with more information, because it is confusing and may thwart the sale.

5. Interpersonal relationships…Usually, it is best to be silent when your remarks or answers to your loved one(s) would likely hurt or harm them. Sounding cruel is not something that should be anyone’s aim; also be aware of sarcastic statements – sometimes your “funny” words can be misinterpreted as rude and offensive.


6. Problem solving situations….Often times we are faced with problems that require time to manufacture solutions….so when there aren’t any good or reasonable answers to be announced, wait awhile before you say something. Periods of silence can be helpful in creating better answers, at a later time.

7. “Pause for effect”….It is fantastic when you can orchestrate your silence to make a solid point; hence, “pause for effect.” Not saying anything can emphasize your message, or allow you and the other communicator to collect your thoughts and words for another time.

8. Gesture moments…We can all think of times when we experienced a gesture that was much more effective than words, ie, when “actions spoke louder than words.” Such gestures as eye contact, hand holding, a special gaze, appropriate hug or touch, even a firm handshake, can make more of an impact than any choice of words we could ever speak.

So, in conclusion, remember there are times when it is best NOT to talk. When those opportunities present themselves, you will be amazed at how effective of a communicator you will be by saying nothing at all.